By: Liz Lebeaux Vantine
Deputy Director, Jewish Community Relations Council (JCRC)
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach, we see Jacob prepare to reunite with his brother, Esau, after years of estrangement following the deception that allowed him to steal Esau’s blessing. Jacob is anxious to see his brother once again, expecting that he will be met with violence for the harm he caused. When Jacob first deceived Esau, he did not realize the impact of his actions; as time passed, and Jacob himself had been a victim of deception, he now understood the deep shame and betrayal Esau experienced.
The evening before they reunite, Jacob is visited by Esau’s guardian angel, with whom he wrestles throughout the night. The angel realizes he cannot overcome Jacob’s strength and renames him Israel; “No longer will it be said that your name is just Jacob, but you will also be called Israel, for you have striven with an angel of God and with men and you have prevailed (Bereshit (Genesis) 32:29-30). This renaming marks a moment where God recognizes Jacob’s maturation. His struggle with Esau’s guardian angel, the spirit of Esau, reflects Jacob’s acceptance of his past poor decisions and a commitment to the hard work it can take to rebuild fractured relationships. The next day, when he finally comes face-to-face with Esau for the first time since stealing his blessing, he approaches him humbly, bowing seven times. Esau, in return, “…ran towards him, embraced him, threw himself on his neck, and kissed him. And they wept” (Bereshit (Genesis) 33:4).
Esau’s warm greeting towards his brother surprises Jacob. How could someone he had harmed so deeply accept him with such love and compassion? What Jacob failed to anticipate was that Esau had also undergone his own internal growth. Both brothers had been able to let go of their egos and embody the principles that God expected of them – respect, perspective, and humility.
A cornerstone of any relationship – romantic, familial, platonic, collegial – is empathy. Empathy towards others allows us to assume best intentions and to see the world from their point of view. Empathy towards ourselves gives us the freedom to err, to learn from our mistakes, and to become better for the future.
As a community relations professional, I identify a lack of empathy as the greatest barrier to meaningful allyship. So often, we struggle to acknowledge the difficulties of other communities as roadblocks on our way to coalition building. Much like Jacob, we walk into these interactions with the expectation of hostility, and those preconceived notions hang heavy. Instead, I challenge those working to build bridges across differences to show up like Esau, accepting that we cannot change the decisions of the past but open to the possibility of a better future for all involved.
Please email Liz Lebeaux Vantine at llebeauxvantine@jewishcolorado.org with questions or comments.